Hola lovers. Did you miss me? Come closer, I have something to tell you.
(Imagine this is where there is a jump break, but I don’t know how to put one in at the moment) (TWSS) (Never mind, I found it) Read more…
All posts by CakeorDeath
No Paparazzo-O: I See You.
Welp, spring has sprung gang and it looks like all the celebrichickadees are hatched and recovered from their winter plastic surgeries coming out from under their golden goose mansions to bathe in the sunlight reflecting off of the camera lenses and what the hell am I even talking about anymore? LET’S DO THIS.
Several weeks ago I saw Zoe Saldana at a Mexican bar/restaurant in Silver Lake. You know Zoe, right?
In person, she #literally resembles her Center Stage character more so than the blue chick from Ferngullyatar.
Center Stage was not a good movie! But the dancing was cool when I was in high school.
Last week, I beat the world record of celebrity sightings in a single day and saw our old friends Naveen Andrews and Gillian Jacobs. Naveen was shopping in Gelson’s again, but this time he wasn’t wearing his sunglasses. SOMEONE READ MY MOBFD POST! And Gillian didn’t give me her trademark “Sour Face” look. In fact she kinda smiled at me while her friend gushed over my shamelessly cute and well-mannered dogs (#explainabrag). HUZZAH FOR SECOND CHANCES!
Then the other day, I spotted Michael C. Hall window shopping (or actual shopping?) in Silver Lake. I don’t watch Dexter because I’m simply too attached to him being David Fisher 4 Lyfe. Ya feel me?
Hawt!
No Paparazzo-O: B I N G O
There have been a few celebrity sightings in the last several months that I’ve been reluctant to share with you Monsters, because the very thought of having to confront the MASSIVE FAILURE (a culturally divisive opinion, I’m sure) that was JJ Abrams’ Lost has been somewhat crippling, to say the least. I WANT THOSE SIX YEARS OF MY LIFE BACK! But this isn’t about me. This is about YOU, and how much you care about celebrities. So let’s do this…
In November or December I #literally (hashtag, not pound – Thekelburrows) almost ran into Naveen Andrews, aka Sayid.
He was grocery shopping in the Gelson’s in Pacific Palisades near my parents’ house and WORE HIS SUNGLASSES THE WHOLE TIME. What an asshole. J/K. Seriously though, take off your shades when you’re indoors and DEAL WITH IT.
A little while later, while out with fellow Monster Manooshi having Pho, I saw Emile de Ravin, aka Claire.
It was cold and miserable out as L.A. winters can be brutal with their overcast and rain and 50 degrees fahrenheit. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. What I’m trying to say is, she was looking a bit rough, was probably sick (a euphemism for ‘on drugs’ because ALL celebrities are on drugs, right?!? Right.), and in need of some hot soup.
Which brings us to last night. I was at The Edison in downtown (one again, with Manooshi) and who should I see walk right by us in a trench coat, CREEPIN’?
Michael Emerson, aka Ben.
People, If I wasn’t the lady that I am, I would have sharted. HE IS STILL SO CREEPY! But I will say that one scene in which Ben was all like, “Who will have me?” and Ilana was like, “I’ll have you.” And he followed her out of the jungle – that scene got me right in the heart (YES, I HAVE ONE) and made me want to hug Ben, which kind of makes me creepy?
Anyway, I got to thinking and you know how Bingo cards are usually 5×5 squares? Well, if I count the one time several years ago when I saw Maggie Grace, aka Shannon (R.I.P. – well… R.I.P. all of them, right? OH FUCK YOU DAMON LINDELOF AND CARLTON CUSE!) walking around on the Universal lot, then I am ONE sighting away from calling Lost bingo! Hooray for me. That’s if I don’t kill myself from POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS first!
Buh bye.
No Paparazzo-O: Mad Mensch
Hey gang! Long time no see, or whatever. You’ve missed me, I’m sure. Anyway, let’s do this:
The 2nd Annual Monthly L.A. Monster Mashup Weekend of Meetup (whatever that means) was a success. Thekelburrows, Concert Addict, KajusX & Chainsaw, Grinth, Hotspur, Le Sigh, A Serious Monster and others came, Saw 3D, and conquered in Eagle Rock. There was even a special brunch appearance by Fozzy the Chair. Consider this post an OPEN THREAD on the L.A. Meetup…
On Sunday night, while WAITING IN LINE at the SEVEN GRAND in downtown (seriously? WTF? Don’t they KNOW who I am? Did they not have eyes to see that my date was the INTERNET FAMOUS Thekelburrows?!) I saw the one and only Rich Sommer aka HARRY CRANE, Head of Media at STERLING COOPER DRAPER PRYCE.
He’s very attractive IRL, so in the notorious words of Thisismynightmare, “I’D HIT THAT.” And in the notorious words of Teacherman, “I’D LITERALLY HIT THAT” to the Seven Grand. Fuck queue.
No Paparazzo-O: Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories.
As Caula Pole once sang in her 1997 hit, “Where have all the celebrities gone?”
Friends, awards season is upon us which means that fashion season is also upon us. Now it’s Paris, and later Milan and New York. It appears that many celebs have skipped over the pond (as Gwyneth would say) to pop into some fashion shows and rub clavicles with models and moguls. Well… not everyone:
Last week I passed Dita Von Teese at the Glendale Galleria. I was crossing through to get to the other side (really, honestly, I wasn’t shopping in a mall! OK maybe I window shopped a little on my way to grab dinner. Calm down!). She was exiting and looked rather lovely. Sort of like a sexy Mildred Pierce. I’m glad that there are some women out there flogging themselves for the sake of femininity. I like to wear Converse and jeggings and eat popcorn while egging them on.
A few days later, I spotted the Iceman himself, Shawn Ashmore in Eagle Rock having lunch.
“No way!” — You
“Who is that?!” — Also you
He played Iceman in X-Men 2 & 3, and also was in the 2006 film The Quiet, which you’ll recall as this week’s WMOAT contestant.
Don’t you feel satisfied and more informed now? Until next time…
No Paparazzo-O: My Life Is Chloe Sevigny
It’s a new year, a new decade, and a new post about celeb-sightings. How lucky are we?!
Yesterday I spotted Chloe Sevigny in Silver Lake which reminded me that it’s time to come clean to you all about my star-crossed relationship with her.
It all began a few years ago when I first saw Chloe at a tequila bar in downtown L.A. called La Cita where The Slits were playing. The bar was packed with everyone on the sweaty dance floor rocking out to some orgasmic punk music. Worming my way through the crowd to get to the restroom, I squeezed behind Chloe, resting my hands on her petite sexy waist for two seconds. No homo… but it was hot.
I saw Chloe a second time at La Cita and thought it funny while reminiscing of my first encounter. I didn’t give it much thought beyond that.
The next time I saw Chloe was at the 4100 Bar in Silver Lake during a street festival called Sunset Junction. It’s possible that it was a Chloe copycat given that she is somewhat of a fashion ‘It Girl’, but the way she presented wearing her mini white shirt-dress and hot pink wayfarers somehow convinced me it was her.
Flash forward to several weeks ago, I shared oxygen with Chloe at the Somewhere premiere, though I didn’t know it at the time and so didn’t include her in this post.
Then yesterday, glorious yesterday, was what you might call a game changer. I was walking around Silver Lake looking to grab some lunch and passed by a place called Flore. There Chloe was – sitting at an outside table, eating and sipping tea. I couldn’t believe it but believed it all at the same time. Not thirty minutes before had I just seen a billboard for Big Love and was reminded of how I’d recently taken a picture of her super cute haircut to my hairdresser as inspiration. So of course… I decided to eat lunch at Flore. I went inside to find a seat (no stalk-o), but the place was packed, so I had to eat outside… next to Chloe! While waiting for the waiter to take my order, I noticed Chloe was reading the latest issue of LA Weekly. I looked around to see if I could get one for myself, but none were to be found. So I politely (bravely) asked her where she picked one up, and she responded by giving me hers. Totally sweet! Totally nice! She even briefly chatted with the family sitting near us. So not what I expected of Chloe given her Golden Globes acceptance speech, which I find to be a tad cringe-inducing & embarrassing. She looked super stylish & low-key – dressed exactly how I’d imagine her to dress on a chilly winter day in L.A. She then drove off in her black Toyota Prius and left me sitting there wondering when the next time our paths will cross because they totally will.
No Paparazzo-O: Déjà Suvari
Hey Kids!
There hasn’t been much celeb-spotting as of late, as you may have noticed. My guess is that it’s because they’re all on holiday in St. Barthes or wherever it is they go to be photographed trotting along on beaches in their tiny bathing suits while sipping Appletinis and swimming with dolphins. They wouldn’t be caught dead in stinky L.A. during Christmas. No way! Well I have three words for them: Worst. Beach. Bodies. I hope your cellulite winds up on the cover of Star magazine, jerks!
Anyway, I totally saw a celebrity today, gang! Except it was Mena Suvari, and I’ve already seen her, as you’ll recall, at the Somewhere premiere earlier this month. She looked about the same as this:
I was doing some last-minute shopping in Silver Lake and she was getting out of a BMW to get a coffee or juice or something else for her liquid & air diet. She asked the driver of the car, “large or small?”
This reminds me of something else, gang, and that is I HATE BMW’s! Oh my god! They are the worst! They always cut me off or high-beam me or don’t allow me to change lanes when I need to. UGH! I have a car philosophy/theory that I won’t bore you with now, but just know that BMW’s suck ass. And if any monster is an owner of a BMW, I would say that to your face!
Anyway, again, Merry Christmas!
No Paparazzo-O: Déj
Hey Kids!
There hasn’t been much celeb-spotting as of late, as you may have noticed. My guess is that it’s because they’re all on holiday in St. Barthes or wherever it is they go to be photographed trotting along on beaches in their tiny bathing suits while sipping Appletinis and swimming with dolphins. They wouldn’t be caught dead in stinky L.A. during Christmas. No way! Well I have three words for them: Worst. Beach. Bodies. I hope your cellulite winds up on the cover of Star magazine, jerks!
Anyway, I totally saw a celebrity today, gang! Except it was Mena Suvari, and I’ve already seen her, as you’ll recall, at the Somewhere premiere earlier this month. She looked about the same as this:
I was doing some last-minute shopping in Silver Lake and she was getting out of a BMW to get a coffee or juice or something else for her liquid & air diet. She asked the driver of the car, “large or small?”
This reminds me of something else, gang, and that is I HATE BMW’s! Oh my god! They are the worst! They always cut me off or high-beam me or don’t allow me to change lanes when I need to. UGH! I have a car philosophy/theory that I won’t bore you with now, but just know that BMW’s suck ass. And if any monster is an owner of a BMW, I would say that to your face!
Anyway, again, Merry Christmas!
MY FAVORITE THINGS: YOU’VE GOT MAIL
You’ve Got Mail — a *little* film from 1998 that grossed over $100 million dollars domestically, and which stars Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan performing dialogue written by Nora Ephron — is one of my most favorite things. “Why?” — You
YGM retells the story originally depicted in Shop Around the Corner from 1940 and which stars James Stewart and Margaret Sullavan, in which two characters who can’t stand each other in real life unknowingly fall in love through anonymous correspondence.
In YGM, snail mail becomes dial-up e-mail, chat rooms, and instant messaging. Super advanced technology! What I love most about this film is that it is a time capsule, in every sense of the term. It’s a pre-9/11 world — before MySpace (NEVER FORGET), before the Kardashians, before Two Girls One Cup. It’s a world in which people at coffee shops either read or talked to one another without their iPhones on the table waiting to interrupt them.
YGM‘s Manhattan is the kind of Manhattan you don’t just want to live in, but feel you must live in. It’s the kind of characterization of the city that reminds me of Woody Allen’s New York so wonderfully portrayed in Annie Hall and, well, Manhattan.
As I said before, YGM stars Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan’s old face (plus or minus new lips). “Could Tom and Meg BE any more perfect for one another” — Bandler Ching
Co-stars include Parker Posey, Heather Burns, Dabney Coleman, and THIS GUY:
That would be DAVE CHAPPELLE, people.
There are lots of cozy fall and winter knits, hot drinks, and Meg Ryan’s character reads from Boy, written by my all-time favorite children’s book author Roald Dahl
Lastly, in addition to all the witty white people jokes, white people music, and white people interior decorating, there are some adorable scenes of Tom Hanks playing with kids that are among some of my favorite to watch.
Now you know why I adore this movie. I hope you’ll all give it a chance and let it into your hearts just a little before you die and go to wherever it is you think you go afterward.
No Paparazzo-O
COD here again, back with some IRL celebrity observations that you definitely care about.
Earlier, as tweeted and mentioned in chat, I went to see Black Swan at the Arclight, Hollywood. The theater was busier than usual, and when exiting the parking structure I noticed paparazzi, bright lights, and lots of smokers dressed in black. It was a movie premiere! As I was wondering which movie was premiering and transforming one of my favorite theaters into a total cluster-fuck, I looked to my left and saw Stephen Dorff. Ding, ding, ding! It was for Somewhere, Sofia Coppola’s new film. Spoiler alert: I just watched a screener of the movie the other night. Elle Fanning is adorable and also ADORABLE! The Fanning sisters are certainly on acting steroids. (Wouldn’t it be cool if acting steroids actually existed and was something for which actors had to be tested? I digress…)
Black Swan was sold out for the next two showtimes. As I waited for my friends to arrive so we could grab a drink instead, I saw:
JULIETTE LEWIS
BRIE LARSON
MENA SUVARI
STEPHEN DORFF
ELLE FANNING
TARA SUBKOFF
and
SOFIA COPPOLA…
Bow down.
Everyone looked chic, less drug-y, and much taller than I expected (holy stripper shoes, Batman!). Confession: I geeked out a little with my friend about seeing Sofia Coppola. A FEMALE DIRECTOR! GADZOOKS! My very own dodo bird sighting! But I was cool about it. Unlike the roped-off quarantined fans screaming for autographs. Who are those people? No judgment, except for total judgment.*
Ciao for now!
*Not really. I’m a nice person!
(photo via)
No Paparazzo-O
CakeOrDeath here, reporting live from Hollywood, California!
Do you like celebrities? Do you want nothing more in your life than to hear about random sightings of the people you love to hate? What else is there to do? Vote? Fix the economy? Protest war? Fuuuuuuuuuuuck that.
This past Sunday I saw Gillian Jacobs, aka “Britta” on Community, scuttling the streets of Atwater Village. She and a scruffy-looking man were window browsing while heading toward a Pho restaurant. My friend and I kept staring* at her to see if it really was her. Then she gave me the stink eye, EXACTLY like this:
Bingo!
*As a so-called native of Los Angeles, I typically don’t stare at famous people. Not anymore. Not since I was 9 years old and wanted Raven Symone’s autograph at a free concert on Universal City Walk. I’m a grown-up. Plus, I can imagine it’s hard being on a popular TV show that millions of people watch, and that leaving your house is cause for being asked nonstop by random strangers 20-years older than you, “I know you from somewhere. Did we go to high school together?” Also, Gillian Jacobs is white, so she probably has other problems. Sorry for eye-stalking you Gillian! It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with my need to constantly prove myself right.
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Godsauce Alters Today’s Family Circus
This doesn’t prove that Thel loves Jeffy more, but that Dolly doesn’t love Jesus enough.
