Oh hi there! Sorry I’ve been entirely absent from MOBFD for months and months and months (so absent, in fact, that I didn’t even make the staff photo, which I’m not bitter at all about, no sir, not one bit). But now I’m back with another installment of Characters I Hate In Movies I Love, Beauty and the Beast edition.
There is so much to love in Beauty and the Beast, starting with the opening number and ending with every single scene with Gaston in it. But you know what I don’t love? This bitch:
I hate the beast. I have no sympathy for him. You know why you’re a beast, Beast? Because you were a dickhead to an old lady. The end. It’s not some great tragedy that she happened to be a beautiful magical witch who had the power to transform you into a still-pretty-handsome beast. Even if she had just been an old lady you would be condemned to living the rest of your life as a Total Dickhead.
I can’t believe Belle falls for this guy’s abusive, terrible bullshit. I blame Stockholm Syndrome. She is SO AWESOME at the beginning of the movie. She’s tough and smart and kooky and beautiful. But then she gets holed up in this dank, nasty, cold castle and all of a sudden she’s like, “I don’t care if this guy is so much more of an asshole than even Gaston – and has whatever kind of penis a beast has – he has blue eyes and one time didn’t stab some birds.” Ugh, look around, Belle! What is happening with your life right now?
I wish Gaston would have killed the beast and then Belle could be really sad but then eventually get over it and become some sort of writer or scholar instead of just another stupid person living in a castle. It’s not like if Gaston had killed the beast she would have had to marry Gaston. That’s not how the world works. She could just move to Paris and be cool. Plus, and this is just an opinion thing, I don’t think Human Beast was that hot. He just looked like a generic ’90s hunk. No little girl actually ever thought Fabio was hot. Sorry.